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"Arrange your room!" To this demand, your child answers by an anger, he shouts and slap of the feet. Teenager, he grouses: "you bother me. Not now. Let me."and slap you the door to the nose of his universe - his room. To understand the reasons of their opposition, you live it like a personal aggression. Of numerous questions and doubt invade you. What to do this opposition? A child always refuses, one day or the other, to arrange his room. This opposition punctuates the big stages of your child's development ineluctably and cannot be avoided. His first demonstration appears since the age of two years when it begins to master the language while especially using the word "no." The "yes" will come later. These refusals mark, of the childhood to adolescence, a progressive acquirement of autonomy and independence. The child has need of your support and presence nevertheless always. The "no yes", even to the things that he likes, translate his desire to choose and to be recognized like a fully-fledged individual. He also tests your authority and your limits while often dragging some confrontations difficult to live but indispensable to his good development. He measures the consequences of his oppositions: reuse the most positive and abandon the other. To accompany, to impose or to convince?It is normal to ask or to wish that a child or a teenager arranges his room but it is necessary that you adapted your demand to his age. Between three and five years, the child learns while imitating. Present him the ranging like a game and accompany it in this task. He has need to know which way to begin, and where to arrange the different objects. Between six and eleven years, he has the tendency to appear more autonomous, he prefers to arrange all alone like a big. It doesn't mean that he already knows how to make it and that he accepts to make it systematically. Propose him a progressive autonomisation. Expose him your reasons, avoid to impose him the ranging or to arrange to his place.
When the teenager delimits his territory.The teenager, between twelve and eighteen years, has the tendency to throw into question the domestic rules and the organization. Hisroom is to the picture of that that happens in hishead (emotional, sexual mess, lover). It is not because hearranged his room until now every Sunday that heis going to continue to make it. heis going to modify the organization undoubtedly and to mark hisrefusal or hislaziness. Also know that your teenager opposes of preference on topics or the rules of education that especially result you from heart. Your teenager looks for itself, he needs moments of solitude in an universe to him. Not to arrange hisroom is for him a means to delimit histerritory and to tell hisparents "don't enter." A little mess appears therefore normal, don't impose him too much order, especially in a radical way and without concession. Don't arrange to hisplace (for example in hisabsence), hit and wait before entering. These behaviors show your respect of hisintimacy and your attention to hispresent preoccupations. Don't be angry!If the rules are not arbitrary and the disjointed limits, the child or the teenager is capable to understand them therefore to respect them. Avoid that one of the two parents allows what the other forbids. Also avoid to punish what you allow the following day one day. The incoherence entails confusion at the child and increase hisattitudes of opposition. Too to insist or to be angry to make themselves obey shake your authority. Such attitudes reveal more besides a lack of authority. It is primordial to give up on what is not important, to negotiate around what counts temporarily. You must think about to make evolve the rules while remaining farm on what cannot be put back in question.
If you insist on the necessity on arranging hisroom, assure yourselves that your child understands the sense and the objectives of your request. Not feeling concerned and implied, hewill disobey. To the questions he" likes "me or he" bothers "me, the answer is yes: above all, hisopposition has for goal to wound you instantaneously, it doesn't think what it says and forget quickly. healso makes it to bother you, to provoke you and to test your resistance to the anger. he looks by force for the report and tried to make give up you. You must not especially throw into question hisaffection: hisbehavior is quite normal. 2009-08-01
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