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The nightmare of Borderline suffering is exacerbated by an unaware self-absorption that magnifies the pain of the core wound of abandonment in those with BPD, and steals hope. It is a self-defeating cycle brought about by the absence of a known true self. Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) contrives an intense battle between the false self and the longing for the reclamation of the lost true self in a way that leaves in its wake an abyss of lamenting lostness within a false-self induced haze of self-absorption whose genesis lies within a fallaciously unreasoned and fragmented view of reality. The Borderline is lost to each and every unfolding original moment and this is the primary cause of suffering Self-absorption is a persisting unrelenting preoccupation with self (your own thoughts or feelings) to the exclusion of everything else. When one is self-absorbed one does not have a balanced view of what is shared reality unfolding in the present moment. Self-absorption is an omnipotent obliqueness habitually-driven by the false self. It is a dysfunctional and very circuitous way of attempting to be.
It is the insurgency of the ruminating, negativity, and protectiveness of the self-absorbed dysfunctional false self against the subjugated potentially functional true self.
This nightmare of self-absorption often experienced by those with BPD can be awakened from when you choose to unstep the patterned dichotomous ways in which you perpetually view and experience the world. It is the process of waking from what is essentially no mind and being re-born into one’s original mind. In the absence of being fully awake in your original mind you (until you find your way to this freeing awareness and understanding of your true self) will continue to suffer and to project much of your misinterpreted cognitively distorted view of why you are suffering onto others devastating relationships. You will continue to see what your own self-absorbed negative limiting false self believes and not what is really happening just as you will continue to hear what you think others are saying to you based upon your past (and/or your own introjected invalidator or abuser) and continue to fail to hear what people are actually saying to you in the here and now. Your original mind is the true self of your human being. It is the seat of your enlightenment ever-so-patiently awaiting your company. It is the authentic part of you than longs to clear a path to awareness and mindful acceptance of each unfolding and original moment. Original moments are the moments that we can experience mindfully for what they are without attaching anything preconceived or expected to them from the past or our hopes or wants from the future. As Jon-Kabat-Zinn writing about, Zen Master, Soen Sa Nim, in his book, “Coming To Our Senses: Healing Ourselves and The World Through Mindfulness”, describes the Zen Master would begin his talks by whacking his Zen stick on a table, offering no explanation, and moving right into what he was talking about. The point of this was to pave the way for each individual to have the opportunity to attempt to grasp the original moment of seeing and the original moment of hearing in his or her original mind before their “…thoughts, interpretations, and emotions pour in so quickly …” that what is experienced primarily is one’s own concepts about what one just saw or heard. Rather than experiencing what just happened most people become lost to the original moment by what they think about it and by how they felt in response to it. What is felt and thought about, what is interpreted when Sa Nim whacks the stick on a table is what each individual brings to that moment. That moment, like countless other moments in our lives is so often lost to the reality that, “We evaluate, we judge, we digress, we categorize, we react emotionally…[to]” – We essentially lose the moment. We don’t grasp the moment in any objective way. “We have lost our minds and have taken leave of our senses. Such moment of unawareness color what comes next.” We have a tendency to stay lost. We fall into automatic patterns of thinking and feeling for long periods of time that we more often than not are unaware of. In this staying lost those with BPD continue to abandon their pain. Of course this is not just limited to those with Borderline Personality Disorder by any means. However, this is at the heart of the self-absorbed nightmare that many with BPD are living in what are often very unaware ways – ways that are living proof of how lost to original mind and true self they really are. It is this fragmentation from true self that is then projected onto others and the Borderline experience of the world causing painful disruption to attempts to be connected, stay connected, or to relate to others. Borderlines must awake from the nightmare of their own self-absorption which is driven by a diabolical combination of their negative past experience and maladaptive patterned ways of conceptualizing their experiences (thoughts and feelings and/or actions) in life in ways that only perpetuate the pain and agony that they are suffering.
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