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During one evening, you recover your ex... and you finally wonder why to have broken. The temptation to renew is big. Yes but to some conditions! Some specialists give us their opinions to succeed his come-back. Some propose one pause, others want to breathe, or slap the door, even divorce. The ruptures take various shapes. Often, one of the two doesn't want to believe there and guard hope as for a reversal of situation. Sometimes understandably. For some couples, this parenthesis is necessary. "She allows them to make the mourning of their waitings", explain psychoanalyst France Schott-Billman. These relational pauses would be there to permit to pass to another level. To leave to come back better in a way. The joy of the reunions To give themselves" a second luck doesn't have anything to see with the luck of the first meeting", warns psychotherapist Marie-France of Coquereaumont. Provided that it is a common decision, it is necessary that it is a free choice of the two partners. But how to be sure of the exactness of his new choice? Joy and the lightness are the major signs", answers psychotherapist Sarah Serievic. "Sometimes it is not more the love that one feeds but the suffering, whereas a true relation goes in the sense of the pleasure." Not question to renew to suffer again.
On the other hand, once one said yes, remain to negotiate this come-back, not always simple. To pass the fear to commit "I was always about to make my suitcases, and to go back at my mother, my kid under the arm" remembers Marijuana, 32 years. Some couples found their relation on a non engagement, The possibility to leave and to put an end to the relation exists at all times. The couple is unsteady and the crises can link together. "We divorced and it is only two years later than we wanted retenter our luck", she adds. A come-back is possible to the express condition to leave on new bases. Don't hope to continue to cohabit together, while letting you the possibility to change lease, to all goes. It is necessary either to give themselves of the ultimatums but to begin to not to speak themselves, to "evoke what one feels, to chat, nor only to free themselves of frustration" insists Sarah Serievic. The other key: to imply themselves and to give themselves of the common objectives. To negotiate with our differences The difference man woman, exist, one knows it. For some couples, she is crying than for others. "I am home loving, he is worldly. I adore the heat, don't support him", return Gisèle, 43 years. When the opposites attract, dissimilarity is source of giggles and can become an opportunity to evolve together. Except when that degenerates. "Because one of the they take the over and try to impose his life style" explains psychoanalyst Catherine Bensaïd. "One took the whole time, I cracked, I left, but without closing the door indeed, convinced that it would be possible but adds Gisèle differently." For the psychoanalyst, "a couple " similar" is not necessarily stronger than a couple to the antipodes." This last avoids the trap of the fusion, but can oppose on the contrary easily. For a successful come-back, try to take more into account your needs. The difference of character obliges you more that of others to respect them. Otherwise, also sum up your likeness, there is some surely. To give up the couple fusionnel The fragility of some couples results from their aspect fusionnel. Of narcissic type, the relation functions on an effect mirror where each gazes at in the look of the other. "One made all to two, visibly that suited us, put except that I flipped out, joke Nathalie 26 years. "The fusion is a lure, the couple lives in a bubble, when one of the two feels excluded, it is the crisis", recall psychoanalyst France Schott Billman. The rupture is going to play a role salvateur then. It is necessary to separate sometimes to pass the couple fusionnel to the mature couple, as Nathalie made it: "I slapped the door, and 10 months later I came back." To retort the good foot is possible under the condition to have made the mourning of the ever you without me. Accept that he plays the soccer with his pals without gluing him to the Basques. And even less to make him a crisis of jealousy upon his return. 2009-01-20
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