The formula to preserve the desire in couple!

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In a couple, the love knows the high and the low. The mistake to the brain and to the hormones, according to neurobiologist Lucy Vincent, author of The Formula of the desire.

How to keep his/her feelings to the bip and to hunt the crisis? The point on the biologic mechanics of our behavior in love to preserve the desire to two.

The life of couple is not a long calm stream. To the passionate periods follow serious crises sometimes. "The temptation to conclude that one didn't make the good choice is big, whereas actually it is our biology that orders" warns Lucy Vincent. Explanations on the cerebral mechanisms of the love to really react in couple.

The love doesn't always last...

Do you believe in the eternal love? The biologic reality is down to earth. "The length of the love is fixed by a cerebral pre-program put in place to encourage the survival of the species" affirms Lucy Vincent. The behavior in love would be destined to create a favorable climate, so that the parents remain around the vulnerable child, that means about 3 years. During this phase, the cortex préfrontal reacts differently, making us blind to the shortcomings of one or the other, solidly moored to the miracle of the meeting, in state of wonder.

Once this finished phase, the receptors are desensitized... and our eyes wide open. One can utter big screams then while discovering what up to here had escaped us, as if the other had changed, whereas we undergo a change of neuronal activity rightly.

When the hormones mingle some

"When one asks someone to tell his/her meeting in love or of good past moments together, he starts secreting ocytocine" more notices Lucy Vincent. A hormone that permits refixer the circuits associated to the zone of pleasure and to remind to his/her brain the love that one feels for the other. A function, generally to the bip, the first months of the meeting, and that offers to lessen.

With time, many factors are going to drag a decrease of the secretion of ocytocine, to know the children, the social life, the objectives of career... And with her, the reduction of our interest for our partner.

Life to two in perpetual evolution

But the desire and the love, it is not that of the merely hormonal or instinctive reactions. It is also a complex cerebral construction: "The love is a game between two brains implying many cycles of questioning and multilevel approval" explains Lucy Vincent.

Each of the two partners crossbar life while evolving, and therefore while changing, without stopping for as much being in "partnership in love with the brain of the other. A partnership that sometimes is out of touch, with to the key what one calls "cuts of the questioning" cycle. Concretely, the partner doesn't send back the answers for which one waits more... And the crisis threatens. It is necessary to know that it is a game that never ends, implying if one is anxious to keep his jules to the hot, a constant renewal of the various points of attachment.

To create rituals in love

To maintain or to throw back the desire in the couple, "it is necessary to get settled in a positive way in his/her partner's brain and to renew the famous points of attachment" proposes Lucy Vincent. One cannot stop the time from passing. On the other hand, one can arrange his/her life differently to dedicate themselves more to the other. The key? To create rituals in love, sources of pleasure to throw back the process of the tie and to come out of the daily. The animals make it in their parade of seduction.

A time of reunion in lover can make itself around one meal with his/her favorite dishes, a garment that it adores, a gift that has the sense. Also bet on the sensory indications (a pleasant resonant ambiance, of the candles) to recreate a positive picture between our two brains.

To free the ocytocine

You can play on the activity of the neurotransmitters of the brain, to your advantage, this time. The researchers put in evidence that to evoke happy memories is going to stimulate the zones of pleasures bound to a positive memory again, and to come with a liberation of ocytocines... Amuse yourselves at the time of one intimate evening to come out of the photos, and titillate his/her memory, a tool a lot more efficient seduction than any guepiere (one doesn't exclude the other). Throw the conversation that will give the opportunity of reparler of your happy moments: a journey, a particular dinner, a memory joined to a garment, of the romps in a precise place... Objective: to dope the other in ocytocine to make iron it in fashion "happiness."

2009-03-20