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He sometimes arrives that a demand in marriage doesn't cause as much enthusiasm as one would have wished it. An answer mitigated, hesitant or even negative can hide a fear to commit or to be shut in. The point with psychotherapist Sarah Serievic to pass the fears and (finally) to pass him the ring to the finger. "When I speak to him marriage, I feel well that he scowls", noticed Lucie. "Since I asked for her hand, a knee on the ground, I feel that she moves away", worry Roman. Ring to the finger, dress white and soft honeymoons don't make as many emulators anymore. If the romantic load stays, especially at the women, on the other hand the rush toward the door of the churches calmed itself well. In 2000, more than 300 000 marriages had been celebrated in France. Since this peak, the number of bridal ceremonies folded back around 275 000 per year about. The stubborn to the marriage have the reasons that it is useful to surround if one wants to give itself together a luck of convoler. Of the multiple incentives"Every demand is unique, it is necessary to make the difference between the one motivated by a deep intention to walk together and the one sloughs more by the fear to lose the other", recommend psychotherapist Sarah Serievic. The first can wake the fear to commit at the partner up, the second sends back at once to the one to be shut in, to lose his liberty conquered since the departure of the parental home. Refractory others can be part of the category "happy divorced persons", having already sworn their big gods that one the would take there more. All and all have "good" reasons therefore to answer the most romantic demand that either by hesitations, smirks, bougonnements, or sometimes same by the flight. Fortunately, the love makes fi all obstacles, and to take them in account permits to pass them better... To commit: a test?The fear to commit is comprehensible but with difficulty blameless. According to some, the delights of the waiting and the question constantly renewed to be known beloved or cannot be stimulating. The emotional reassurance that the marriage operates plays then in disfavor of the desire and causes a lot of brakes. Others don't admit to being this fear, even though they pretend to want convoler quickly in just marriage. Most of the time, these resistances hide an esteem of oneself faltering. "It is the fear not to be at the height of our expectations and our ideal, of which it is about", specify Sarah Serievic. The demand in marriage puts facing the question: I be stretch sufficiently, attentive, liking... facing the constraint of the daily and the length?"To add water in the matrimonial mill, Sarah Sériévic, propose another way: And if to get married sounded the opportunity to commit with oneself, offering the opportunity to reinsure on his value? Since the other chooses you like unique... A thread to the paw!When the demand is motivated by the desire to tie the other, or the fear to lose it, this one can entail a lot of resistances bound to the confinement. Exit the vision of the pretty white veil, the incredible piece rise, the charming prince, and the sublime princess, only persists the picture of the rope to the neck. With the sensation to make themselves put the grapnel over. It is often the case for couples fusionnels. To "make weigh the weight of his happiness exclusively on the shoulders of the other can be sweltering", warns the psychotherapist. Very possessive some types of love are necessarily jailing. One can mark them to signs of excessive jealousy or emotional dependence. There, a simple evening passed without the other can generate a crisis. If it is the case, the fears are quite justified. Rest yourselves the question of your incentives together, and try to think together" about the notion of "free first: more based on the confidence in the other and in itself, more that the possession, the relation also rests on a will of personal blossoming in view of a sharing. Then only you can commit for the good reasons. The clan of the happy divorced personsOur time is complex and revolutionized a lot of codes in love, including the one of the marriage, with the pacs and his during, to know the divorce. According to the association French of the Centers of Advisers Conjugaux (AFCCC), the trivialization of the divorce is indeed one of the prominent phenomena of these last 25 years, striking all surroundings and all age groups. The numbers have been multiplied by 4 in 40 years (30 000 in 1964,130 000 today). One records 4 divorces currently for 10 marriages, of what to do think more of one of them. Other makes considerable: the divorced persons get remarried little. Only 20% among them are suitable again to the game of the alliances. Of the sufficiently talking numbers, showing how much those touched a first time by the disenchantment are little minded to convoler in seconds marriage... A ritual factor of evolution And if to be afraid in the bottom was doesn't one can more normal? Because after all to him - beyond the choice of the dress and the caterer, to get married is equivalent without dispute to say yes to the big adventure of the couple, and to the challenge that he/it raises. To like in the length is probably the most immediate way to confront themselves to her limits. An exercise to which one is not always ready to bend. Except if one takes it for what he is really, to know a great opportunity of evolution! 2009-05-04
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