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The manipulators are among us, perfectly integrated in the society. Their incentive is of narcissic order, and their method prowled extremely well. To identify the 4 stages of it permits to mark them better. Interview with therapist comportementaliste Isabelle Nazare-Aga. "We got married the first month of our meeting, he was pleasing to everybody" remembers Jeanne. "My boss blamed me for the inopportune delays, whereas I am the incarnate punctuality, except in case of big seeds, it is very rare!"Julian note, watcher of night in a big hotel. "I stopped seeing my Magali friend, when my mother implied that she made the gringue to my husband" confides Louise. To mark a manipulator, that he/it is a spouse, a boss, a friend or a parent is far from being simple. Generally very integrated in the society, they master the art of the mask and rage without shame. Their incentive essentially rests on a narcissic need, the one to heighten their picture of oneself, and they use themselves of it with talent. These are often of ends strategists who only serve their own interest, most of the time, to the detriment of yours. Décryptage of their method step by step. Stage 1: To seduce quicklyYou are under the charm! It is simple, his attitude is considerate, thoughtful... In a word, it is perfected. In love, he fascinates you, height your waitings, and answers to your desires positively. He can even ask you in marriage, very quickly. Too much elsewhere! A sign that must attract your attention. In work, he is going to make you sparkle, just as quickly, promotion and new responsibilities. Why this emergency? "Actually the manipulator uses some masks, to start with the one of the perfection, of which he uses to operate you" better answers Isabelle Nazare - Aga. However he knows how to not to be able to hold this one well a long time. He is sufficient that you touched to his power or his territory, and he can change instantaneously. His readiness is bound therefore really to an emergency, the one to attach" you" quickly to his service, before varnish doesn't crack. Stage 2: To destabilize by micro-depreciations"You seem of a tree of Noêl, with these buckles of ears" Michel spear to his. Small treacherous remarks, milked of irony, attitude of contempt, the manipulator turned blouse, and operate micro-depreciations. These processes are sufficiently insidious so that the change is not obvious. You can feel a vagueness uneasiness of course, that you will have difficulty identifying. "However, repeated tirelessly, these small murderous sentences provoke a catastrophic anchorage on the value of oneself" assures Isabelle Nazare-Aga. Your confidence of it can only be weakened you. Other card in his game: The repetition of the orders and counterorders. Little by little destabilized, you risk of more to think by yourself, to see to marry his fashion of working, as by weariness. You that adored the mountain and of long hikes, there you are praising the virtues of the sea resorts and the idleness organized. A case typical of psychic invasion, to not to disregard. Stage 3: To stir up ill-feeling and to isolate you A manipulator's presence often drags a relational deterioration within a team, the family or friends. "To the arrival of my new boss, I felt excluded of the group that one formed with my colleagues, without knowing well why" complains Sandrine, librarian. To provoke some distortions within the team, or in the friendly sphere is almost a second nature. "Tonight when you left to look for the chicken, Marie complained that you never returned the DVD that one lent to you, you should make" suggests it Jocelyn to his companion. The manipulator has for habit to introduce suspicion with as objective to stir up ill-feeling and to isolate you. To "move away the person of his setting permits without dispute a better ascendancy" explains the therapist. His advice: Be therefore attentive to the emergence of open conflicts or concomitant secret rancors to the arrival of a possible manipulator in your life. Stage 4: You culpabiliserMarc is going to spend his vacations fixing up family's house under the ascendancy of a father manipulator, totally comfortable. "You cannot refuse that, that will make me savings and that will allow us to see" asserts us this last. "Him culpabilise the other in the name of the domestic tie, the friendship, the love or the professional conscience" develops therapist Isabelle Nazare-Aga. You can meet to return the services that go to cost you to you to the final, and that won't satisfy his recipient besides. "It is kind to have watered my plants, he should have been very hot so that in spite of it, my bonsaï died" thanks you aunt Juliet. There are strong odds that you offered him another one, whereas you made the maximum. As we wish not to be judged badly of the other, we often go of course in the game of the ignorant manipulator, that we will never give him satisfaction. For the majority among us, the manipulators are the biggest factors of relational stress. Don't be mistaken there signals Isabelle Nazare Aga, "all these stages can even bring to the depression or the dependence." Once you identified and marked the reason of your "chronic uneasiness" your next objective must be of more to undergo the ominous consequences of it. 2009-05-12
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