How to make last the love at first sight?

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The love at first sight, it exists. He touches in majority the women. But has, to transform this magic instant in lasting relation, it is necessary to know how to pass fears and questioning. Explanations and advice with Marie-Odile Steinman, psychologist.

You tend to idealize

Marvelous, to stretch, elegant. You have just met in short the or the conjoint ideal. Blinded by the love, you tend to idealize the to be liked and to project your fantasies of happiness on him. The trap? Not to see it as he is indeed but as oneself he dreams. However no one is perfected, and as soon as the daily routine gets settled, it is the collapse.

The psychologist's opinion: To construct a long-term relation, make the part between the reality and the fruits of your imagination. What are his true qualities? Is he(her) really funny or laugh you as soon as him (her) opens the mouth? Without pointing his shortcomings, become aware of the small shortcomings to improve.

Live to the present

Under the charm, he or she invite you to dine to the candles... All of a sudden you confide to him how much your ex hated this kind of place. And has that you tell him your life by the menu. Classic! Unconsciously, you deposit your past on the table for him (her) to test. Worse, you look for to him (her) to make to flee and to escape thus a new relation that frightens you. You can also project yourselves in the future and evoke your neighbors weekend in lover, the beautiful children that you will have.

The psychologist's opinion: You don't live the present moment. Take contact with your partner. Plunge yourselves in the world of the sensations: catch his look. Listen to that that him (her) says you!

Take confidence in you

You have just met the kindred spirit, and you should swim in happiness! Yet, of the blacker ideas the some that the other pass you by the head in the waiting of the next meeting. You are laid and without interest. It is called the interior monologue. He eats negative thoughts well often and appear in the absence of the elected.

The psychologist's opinion: To remedy there, it is sufficient to mark the negative subjects and to refuse them energetically. For example, write down in a column all sentences of the type: I don't arrive him to the ankle, and in the other, a particular quality, something that distinguishes you,: a patience of angel, a grant for the kitchen, the love of the beautiful things.

Cultivate your personality

You are ready to all to win his favors: to plate your friends, to change your habits... You are part of the dependent lovers and you disregard yourselves to your partner's profit. Hiss needs and his desires are more important than yours. The most often, the person who adopts this attitude thinks that so the other will like it more.

The psychologist's opinion: Long-term, this fashion lover will push you to leave "to recover" you better. These are your qualities that pleased him and are at the origin of this idyll. Cultivate your personality then. Take the habit to affirm your feelings and your real aspirations.

2009-05-17