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The selfishness is part of that that one calls a "defect" commonly, in other words a problem in the manner to behave. The most often, one assigns the selfishness to a love exaggerated for oneself, a love as would not have any place for that that it is of other. If the selfish person seems in fact to be interested only in herself, can one say as far as she likes herself too much? For the egoist, according to Edgar Poe, "The big misfortune is to be able not to be alone." The egoist is essentially preoccupied of himself; his choices, his activities, his relations converge toward a same goal: to bring back all to oneself, to appropriate what seems pleasing to him; he doesn't take account nor of the world, nor of the outside interests, don't worry about the other and organize his life not to be disturbed. If he enters in relation with some people, it is that he thinks to be able to pull something of it: the prestige, the advantages, the pleasure. The egoist's small worldThe egoist lives in closed circuit; he is as prevented to see and to hear what doesn't concern it personally; the world, it is he, the rest is ignored! He is satisfied little with his life and often lone (selfishness and "hardened celibacy" make good household), either by choice, either by strength. The less that one can say that is that he tends to tire his setting! He arrives however that it meets a "alter ego", someone as him, with that he will form a couple folded on himself: gathering their common interests to protect of the outside world, they will live a "selfishness then to two"; nothing of very new, except that they are now two in the same "cell."
The reproach that is made the most often to the selfish people, it is to like themselves too much to be able to like the other. But before saying that they like themselves too much, already ask ourselves if they like themselves. And in the contrary case, from where has just had then only them themselves in head? The roots of the selfishness and the love of oneselfIn the first stage of hisevolution, the human being is turned exclusively toward hisown needs: to be fed, tidy comforted, stimulated and these are there the conditions of hissurvival. It is only after having acquired a minimum of independence that he will open up little by little to a more and more large environment (of the mother to the family, of the family to the crèche.etc.). But so that this progressive opening toward the other achieves itself without ambushes, it is necessary that the child received love sufficiently to believe some him, to like themselves; he will be able to begin then to give the love in return. In the contrary case, he can remain blocked to this stage where the whole world seemed to converge toward it. In other words, the selfish person who monopolizes all to hisprofit, don't find pleasure to exchange, to give, is not reached of a "too full" of love for her, she suffers by way of her opposite. hisgreed, hisneed to pull to life what she could get otherwise, are not the sign of a too big love of oneself but the one of a difficulty to believe in herself. It is not the love of oneself that produces the selfishness, but the attachment more or less pathological to a picture expired of oneself, the one of "the marvelous child", to that nothing must ever miss. Can one heal the selfishness?The starting point is to become of this weakness and the prejudicial effects that it is conscious for oneself; from there, he becomes possible to clear themselves gradually of the vicious circle where she locks us in: "one cannot wait for anything of the other. let's take what to take has. decidedly, I make myself have always. one cannot wait for anything of the other. etc." Some advice can prove to be useful: - to Begin to give, of small things, and of preference to someone that either capable of gratitude and generosity.
- To practice the sports of team or a martial art, as the judo, that associates presence to oneself, contact, opening and respect of the other;
- To ask for a psychotherapeutic accompaniment that will permit to restore the feeling of his own value and the one of the surrounding world.
While experimenting these few things, you should succeed in coming out of this selfishness and finally to turn you toward the other. 2009-09-05
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